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My Screenplay [Aug. 14th, 2007|03:38 pm]
Amateur Screenwriters

let_us_write

[kornprincess]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood |nervousnervous]
[music |The air conditioner...]

Hi,  I just finished writing my first full length screenplay. I posted the first couple scenes here, if you would like to read more, I can send you more. It is still in the editing stages, so don't be too harsh, but I would love some feedback.

SPECIFICALLY: Do you feel for the characters? Do you understand why they are doing what they do?

Oh, and the formatting got a little messed up, sorry! And, this story involves sex and alcohol and harsh language, I just want to put a warning out so that no one is effended.

Thanks for taking the time to read it!

 

Rock Bottom

INT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

Scattered liquor bottles lay on the cold floor. To the right is the toilet, soaked in dried vomit. In the background faint sounds of music and laughter.

All the sudden a foot moves. Your attention is drawn to the GIRL who is lying on the floor. Her shoes are colored with permanent marker. Her eyes have rolled back in her head and her mouth is full of vomit. 

As she lies there choking, she desperately grabs at whatever she can (on her wrist is a black wrist band), the wall, the cabinet, trying to lift herself up.

Fade out

EXT. MADDIE’S HOUSE (DRIVEWAY)-DAY

Steph jumps out of the front seat of her parent’s mini van.

STEPH

      Bye, mom

STEPH’S MOM

      Be good

Steph is already half way up the driveway.

Before Steph can ring the doorbell, MADDIE, wearing a tube top and short cut-offs, swings open the door, almost falling into Steph’s arms in an over-emphatic hug.

Maddie grabs Steph’s hand and leads her into the house.

The furniture is worn and old. Steph looks around as if she is experiencing a whole new world.

As the screen door opens to the back porch, we see MADDIE’S MOM (early 30’s, looks like the older sister) stretched out on a beach towel in a sexy red bikini.

MADDIE

      This is my momma…this is Stephanie

Hugs her mom

MADDIE’S MOM

(Removing her sun glasses)

      Nice to meet you

STEPH

      You too

MADDIE’S MOM

(Knows something is up)

      So what is it? Money or a ride?

MADDIE

      Umm…both?

MADDIE’S MOM

      Maddison…can’t you walk, I’m so tired.

      MADDIE

      Fine…money?

      MADDIE’S MOM

      There’s some in my purse.

      MADDIE

      (Kisses her mom on the cheek)

      Thanks, mommy!

      MADDIE’S MOM

      Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

The girls are already headed back into the house.

Cut to

EXT. STRIP MALL-EVENING

The girls are walking into Jewel.

ANA is outside smoking a cigarette.

ANA

      What took you guys so long?

MADDIE

(sarcastic)

      Um, we had to walk…

Ana throws her cigarette on the ground and steps on it. She tries to be serious and cool but breaks into a smile. Her smile emits an undeniable and lovable energy.

ANA

      Whatever, smartass… lets go “shopping.”

Fade out

INT. JEWEL’S COSMETIC DEPARTMENT-EVENING

Ana finds a tube of lipstick she likes and slips it into her purse. Steph watches her.

Ana looks up and motions for Steph do to the same.

Cut to

INT. STEPH’S HOUSE-EVENING

Steph walks into the kitchen, wearing more make-up and less clothes. Her mom looks up from making dinner and stares at her little princess.

STEPH

      What?

STEPH’S MOM

      Nothing, it’s just…are those new?

STEPH

      Yeah…so?

STEPH’S MOM

I think they might be a little too revealing for 13…

STEPH

      Whatever, mom. Everybody wears this stuff

STEPH’S MOM

      Well everybody isn’t my daughter

STEPH

      What? That doesn’t even make sense!

STEPH’S MOM

Take those clothes off before dinner, or you wont be doing anything this weekend

STEPH

      But…

STEPH’S DAD (O.S.)

      Do what your mother tells you

Cut to

INT. STEPH’S BEDROOM-EVENING

Steph slams the door to her bedroom and kicks the wall.

STEPH (to herself)

      Such bullshit…

She rips off her wrist band and kneels down in front of her bed. She pulls open the bottom drawer of her nightstand and pulls out a small pear knife.

Her wrist is covered in small scars; obviously she hasn’t cut in a long time.

She puts the knife to her skin and is just about to cut

STEPH’S MOM(O.S.)

      Dinner!

STEPH

      Coming!

She drops the knife.

Fade to

INT. THOMPSON JR. HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY

Students mingle at their individual tables, “the preps” “the goths” “the ghetto kids”, etc.

Steph and NIKKI are in the lunch line.

NIKKI

      So why didn’t you call me last night?

STEPH

      I don’t know, got busy

NIKKI

      With them?

STEPH(defensive)

      So what?

NIKKI

Those girls are just fucking with you…

STEPH

      Whatever…

Steph walks away

Fade out

INT. MADDIE’S HOUSE-DAY

Maddie walks into the living room and turns on the light. The house is obviously empty. She goes over to the answering machine and presses ‘play.’ As she listens to the messages, she plops down on the couch and turns on the TV. There is a message from her dad.

PHONE MESSAGE

hey Mad, it’s me, Dad. I know you were looking forward to coming to see me, but I just got kicked out of my house…I’m afraid you won’t be able to come stay with me…fuck, tell your mother to call me-I’m a little strapped for cash…(Phone hangs up)

She turns her head to the side and sees her mothers’ cigarettes sitting on the coffee table. She takes one from the pack and lights it.

Cut to

INT. MADDIE’S HOUSE (LIVING ROOM)-DAY

Maddie and Ana are sitting on the couch

ANA

      I dare you to fuck James

MADDIE

      Ok? That’s random

ANA

      Chicken?

MADDIE

(Shrugs)

      No, I’ll do any dare. I don’t care.

Cut to

INT. CHOIR ROOM-DAY

Steph and Ana are sitting in the corner, off to themselves.

STEPH

You know Maddie’s really gonna do it, don’t you?

ANA

Yeah I know, but it’s her life. If she wants to do it we can’t really stop her

STEPH

I still can’t believe James really wants to do it. He’s like a macho jock

ANA

What can I say? The kid’s desperate and Maddie’s a whore

Cut to

INT. MADDIE’S HOUSE-DAY

Steph, Ana, Maddie and JAMES (tall, wearing his basketball jersey) walk into Maddie’s house.

ANA

Wull, you two have fun fucking each other’s brains out, aight?

She makes herself comfortable on the couch

JAMES

(To Maddie, nervous)

We gotta hurry, my mom’s picking me up for religion class soon...

Maddie takes James’s hand and leads him into her bedroom, where she closes the door behind them.

Fade out

INT. CHOIR ROOM-DAY

The bleachers are full of the 70+ person choir, all of them a buzz with gossip. The teacher is no where to be found.

Students start to yell from one side of the room to the other

Student #1

      Did they really do it?

Student #2

      Yeah, I heard Maddie screwed Jim…

Student #3

      What a skank!

Student #4

      Yeah, I hate that girl…

Maddie watches the clock, while tears well up in her eyes.

The bell rings and Maddie runs out of the room.

Fade out

INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM-DAY

Some GUYS are free-styling about the girls and Maddie’s situation

As they rap, we see Steph and LAUREN sitting on a table, flirting with the guys.

The teacher walks in and looks pissed, but about ready to give up

MRS. RYNER

Alright you guys, take your seats and let’s begin class

The class takes their time, but eventually everybody ends up in their seat.

While the teacher begins to teach, the camera and most audio is focused on Steph and ULYSSES, who are sitting at the back of the room. Ulysses is one of the popular boys; he is Latino and has a great boyish grin.

ULYSSES

(Raises his eyebrows)

      So how’s Maddie?

STEPH

Don’t. I don’t want to hear another word about it.

Ulysses

Ok, ok… but I think you will want some of us this…

Ulysses turns around and talks to a guy sitting behind him. The guy hands him a paper bag. Ulysses turns back around with a mischievous grin on his face

STEPH

      I am SO in

ULYSSES

Hold on, hold on. Let me show you how to do this  

Our view widens to see TAWNI, who is sitting next to Steph

TAWNI

(Sarcastic)

      Uh huh, right

ULYSSES

(While demonstrating)

You gotta hold one nostril shut like this, right? Put it up to your nose and suck in real deep, like that.

Steph

      Yeah, too bad no one cares

She grabs the bag away from him while he is in mid snort and huffs it herself. She than passes it on to Tawni. They pass the bag around, while playing a game of ‘football’ with a paper and their fingers.

ULYSSES

(Looking at the bag)

You know, I heard somewhere if you do this shit everyday for a week, you die.

STEPH

      It feels like my brain’s exploding!

ULYSSES

(Mimics rapper Nelly)

      “Me and my niggas getting high, igh, igh…”

STEPH

      “Yo, if you look up in the sky, y, y…”

STEPH AND ULYSSES

      “You could see us floating by, y, y…”

Cut to Steph and Lauren piling out of the classroom. Steph is wobbling and holding her head.

LAUREN

      This is what, like the third day in a row?

STEPH

      My head is about to explode…

Steph almost knocks into somebody

LAUREN

      Yeah, there’s a person there

They start walking down the stairs

Steph blacks out. Lauren catches her and she wakes up a little bit.

LAUREN

      You ok?

No answer

LAUREN

      Steph?

STEPH

(Groggily)

      Yeah…I’m ok…

Her friend carries her down the stairs.

They get to Steph’s locker

LAUREN

      You aight now?

STEPH

      Yeah, yeah…I’m ok…

Lauren leaves. Steph leans against her locker.

KATIE walks up next to Steph

KATIE

      Hey, what’s wrong wit you?

Steph brushes off the question with a “don’t ask” hand gesture

KATIE

      Anyway, I heard something about Maddie

STEPH

(Somewhat annoyed)

      Uh?

KATIE

People are saying that she paid Jim $500 to sleep with her

Steph

      What? That’s fucken crazy

KATIE

I know…I gotta get to class, are you sure you’re ok?

Steph nods

Katie walks away leaving Steph alone in the hallway. The bell rings.

Steph turns around and bangs her head against the locker in frustration. She falls down against the locker and passes out

INT. ANA’S HOUSE-NIGHT

Ana is lying on her bed, on the phone

ANA’S MOM(O.S.)

      Get off my fucking phone!

ANA (to mom)

      Aight, god!

ANA(In phone)

I gotta go, I’ll call ya later. (Pause) you too, bye 

She hangs up the phone.

Cut to

INT. ANA’S HOUSE (BATHROOM)-NIGHT

Ana looks in the mirror at her black eye. She tries to cover it with make-up but it won’t cover it. She throws the bottle.

She then looks up at the mirror again. She stares back at herself, looking long and hard.

Fades to black

Fade in

INT. STEPH’S HOUSE-DAY

We see Steph walk in the front door. She climbs the stairs and walks into the kitchen. Her mom is cooking dinner, through the walk-way we see her dad is at the computer.

STEPH

      Hey

STEPH’S MOM

Hi, make sure you do your homework right away tonight. Your grades have been slipping.

STEPH

      So I’m not an A student anymore.

STEPH’S MOM

      Watch your attitude.

Strong feeling of aloneness.

Cut to Steph walking into her room.

She throws down her backpack. She lies on her bed, tapping her foot. Incredibly anxious. She picks up the phone and dials the number.

PHONE

Welcome to Sexy Singles. Meet local, sexy singles and connect live. You must be 18 or older to use this service…

Fade into Steph talking on the phone with a smile on her face. She loves the attention.

STEPH

      You really think my voice is sexy?

We see a close-up of Steph’s smile.

Cut to

INT. SCHOOL BATHROOM-NIGHT

The bathroom is filled with garbage and graffiti.

We see Steph’s feet on top of the toilet. We are drawn up to see Steph holding a water bottle full of beer. She looks over at Ana who is in the stall next to her, also holding a bottle of beer.

STEPH

      Let’s toast…

ANA

      To a great night…

STEPH

      To a great night without drama…

ANA

      Hell yeah….

They toast and take their first drink.

Steph gets down from the toilet and looks up and Ana who is looking over the stall. Ana smiles at her, but there is still an utter sadness in her eyes.

Fade out

INT.STEPH’S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Maddie and Steph are lying on her bed in pajamas.

Maddie jumps up onto her knees.

MADDIE

      Let’s pierce our belly buttons!

STEPH

      Really?

MADDIE

      Hell yeah!

Cut to Maddie sitting on a chair with the skin above her belly button pinched together with hair clips. Steph is kneeling in front of her.

As Steph is about to put the needle to Maddie’s skin, they are interrupted by Steph’s mother opening the door.

Steph hides the needle behind her.

STEPH’S MOM

      What are you two doing?

STEPH

      Nothing, mom

STEPH’S MOM

Oh, ok…just wanted to tell you that we’re going to bed now.

STEPH

      Alright, night

STEPH’S MOM

      Goodnight

She closes the door

MADDIE

      Aight, go, go!

STEPH

      Ok, ok…

Steph pulls out the needle and pushes it through Maddie’s stomach.

MADDIE

(Almost in tears)

      It’s almost through!

Steph pushes the needle through the rest of the way, while Maddie tries not to cry

MADDIE

      I heard a pop!

Cut to Steph in the bathroom. She watches in the mirror as she pushes the needle through her belly button.

As the needle goes through, she leans against the wall and lets out a sigh of relief

STEPH

      Fuck

EXT. SIDEWALK-EVENING

Maddie and Lauren are sitting on the sidewalk, both smoking cigarettes.

A school bus stops a couple houses down and JAKE gets off.

Jake is older, wearing baggy clothes and a sideways hat.

Maddie and Jake make googly-eyes at each other

MADDIE

      Oh my god, Lauren, who is that?

LAUREN

Who? Oh, that’s Jake…he goes to alternative school

MADDIE

      Well I’m going over to say hi

LAUREN

      Maddie don’t…he is way too old…

Maddie ignores her and walks over to Jake.

They start flirting

LAUREN

(To herself)

Fine…go…I’m not saying anything important

She shouts to Maddie

LAUREN

      Maddie I gotta go home…I got curfew

Maddie brushes her off with a wave but doesn’t loose eye contact with Jake.

Lauren leaves as the sun is going down.

Cut to Jake and Maddie cuddling/making out on the swing in his yard.

Fade out

INT. MADDIE’S HOUSE-LATE EVENING

Maddie’s mom comes home.

MADDIE’S MOM

      Maddie, you home?

She checks Maddie’s room, but she isn’t there

MADDIE’S MOM

   What the hell?

She picks up the phone and calls Ana’s house

MADDIE’S MOM

Hello, this is Maddie’s mother, is Maddie over there by any chance? (Pause) Oh, ok….well tell Leeanna if she talks to Maddie that she needs to get her ass home now. Ok…thanks, bye.

She hangs up the phone.

Cut to the front door. MADDIE’S GRANDMA (Sweet, grandma type) walks in.

We see Maddie’s mom’s fingers, crossed in front of her face. They are tapping, as is her foot against the floor.

MADDIE’S GRANDMA

      Have you heard anything?

Maddie’s mom’s hand grabs the keys off the coffee table. She gets up from the couch, this is the first time we see her whole body, and runs out the door.

EXT. LAUREN’S HOUSE (DOORWAY)-LATE EVENING

Maddie’s mom and grandparents are standing at Lauren’s door, talking to her

LAUREN

The last time I saw her was like two hours ago…I left her with Jake…

EXT. JAKE’S HOUSE-LATE EVENING

We see Maddie’s face as she hides in the basement of Jake’s house. She watches up the stairs as her mom talks to Jake

MADDIE’S MOM

So you swear you haven’t seen her since then?

JAKE

(Annoyed)

Look, lady, she said she had to get home before you and she started walking. That’s all I know.

Jake shuts the door. Shots with Maddie and Jake having sex are mixed with Maddie’s mom coming home and curling up in bed next to the phone, wide awake and worried as hell.

Fade out

INT. JR. HIGH HALLWAY-DAY

Steph walks in to school in the morning. Lauren runs up to her, totally hysterical

LAUREN

Please tell me Maddie’s here and she’s alright

Steph

      Lor, calm down, what the hell is going on?

LAUREN

Don’t you know? Nobody’s seen Maddie since last night. I left her with Jacob

STEPH

      Who the hell is Jacob?

Fade out

INT. CHOIR ROOM-DAY

The whole group is talking, obviously are all upset

LAUREN

He’s 16, he was kicked out of school. I left her with the worst possible person.

ANA

      She probably ran away…

She stops in mid-sentence, her attention drawn to the doorway.

We follow her stare-there Maddie stands in the doorway, hair wet and messy, same clothes from yesterday, with a huge smirk on her face.

She walks over to the group and gives Steph a hug, still smirking

STEPH

      What the fuck are you smiling for?

MADDIE

Because… I just got out of the shower with Jake…

Maddie looks at her like she is waiting for a “Great Job” but all Steph does is stare at her in disbelief

Fade out

INT. MADDIE’S HOUSE-DAY

Maddie and her mother are in the living room. Her mom is furious.

MADDIE’S MOM

Do you know what its like to not have your daughter come home at night?

Maddie smiles

MADDIE’S MOM

This is funny to you? What the hell is wrong with you?

I


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